[90後] 一年之初 the beginning of the year

"You don't need to know why when you cry."

       

                             — Big Thief "Cattails"

              

As the wish given to myself few years ago: "no longer work during my birthday," thus I’ve made it in the past three years. It is special and complicated at the same time, since one of my close friends past away two years ago, it happened at the same day while I was celebrating my 25th birthday on Zamami island. That day ended with lots of alcohol and tears. 

       
數年前曾許諾，在生日當天不工作。因此連續三年，實踐了自己當時的承諾。
這是特別也是感覺複雜的一天，自從兩年前好友過世，當時我還在座間味島上慶祝二十五歲生日，那天的結束混雜著大量酒精與眼淚。
      

It should be in English, then I'm able to dig into my heart which was broken. "Birthday" supposed to be the day for celebrating the joy of existence, however since that moment, it became painful, when you faced the birth and death at the same time, how could you choose? The only thing you can do is to experience them, both of them. Try to find out every piece of heart in the following of the journey.

      
為何要用英文寫，只能說這段回顧，我需要轉換模式才能夠很坦誠地往曾經心碎的底心去。
生日理應是慶祝自己存在於這世上的喜悅，然而從當時的那刻起，它變得讓人痛苦。
    
當你直直面對生與死同時發生，你該如何選擇？
      
唯一可以做的是去體會，同時體會兩者。試著在接下來的生活裡找回四散的心碎。
      

Why I share this story and reflection on this day?        Maybe just figure out, as growing up, I choose to keep less connection with friends, which just simply believe in fate, once shift to the different status of life journey, the people around you could be really different, it doesn't need to keep every connection but cherish those gifts from them, no matter they're bright or dark. Sometimes, people asks how do I feel about the journey, I can not say what's in it exactly, but simply embrace them, take them into part of me, no matter like it or hate it, I've chosen, and just let it be.

    
為何要在這天分享這件事情？
      
也許只是意會到了，在成長的同時，我選擇了較疏遠的人際關係，只是簡單地信任緣分，相信隨著生活階段的移轉，身邊的人們也會截然不同，無需緊緊握著與每一個人的關係，但珍惜身旁來來去去的人們曾帶來的禮物，無論好壞。有時，有人會問我，覺得日子過得如何。我無法說出個所以然，就只是擁抱這一切，讓他們成為自己的一部分，不論喜愛或是討厭，既然在當下做了選擇，就順其自然。

It sounds short and simple, but takes me more than eight years to practice and experience.Hope this reflection can be the gift for you, all my dear friends.

     
這聽來簡潔，但花了我超過八年的時間來體會與練習。
希望這反思可以作為禮物，給我每個親愛的朋友。
       

In the beginning of the year, which right on my birthday, I hope to keep figuring out the joy within the journey. I hope the chaos on this island which I was born can be less, the conversation and collaboration between different parties, generation can be closer. I hope every of you, who is reading these sentences, not only enjoy what you have, but also cherish what we take from this planet.

    
一年之初，生日這天，
我希望可以繼續意會到生活的意趣。
我希望我出生的這座小島上，紛亂漸少，不同族群與世代之間的對話與合作能夠更緊密。
我希望每一個正在讀這段文字的你，不僅僅享受現在所擁有的，同時也珍惜我們從這星球拿走的一切。
      
祝福自己，也祝福你。